Hi again. Missed you since we last spoke... tell me what's been on your mind! Seriously, I'm curious.
I tend to be on my own mind a lot... In fact, I write stuff down typically so i can see how I was feeling x-amount of time ago. And I am told it's good. Good!
However, I have rules and outlines fo yo asses, just so we can stay cool at least till the summer. Get me before you get all of my thoughts- the other way around may be dangerous. So these are really my rules for myself, that you may indulge in as you please.
1. Be real. Keep it real! Be honest, cuz honestly, no one gives a fuck about a lie. So I try to not be presenting fantasies as if they are real and I don't really convey much that I do not believe in pretty strictly.
That said, I am religious as they come. I pray more than I prey. Pretty Impressive. However, I am not Christian, Bhuddist, Muslim, or even Stupid. I'm Dovi. That's pretty much as far as I go.
1b. I call this the Dovi Rule. I didn't invent it, but I put my name in the title, so in your face! It goes a lil something like this: Don't be a bitch! Unless you are a bitch, in which case, don't be a bitch. Sexist? Surely. Pointed? At most points. Correct? As far as I care to investigate.
Basically what I mean is if you are a dude whining and moaning and bitching and needing to pee all the time, all over everything, you're a bitch. Simple. Girls being douchebags is the converse. It's so unsexy for a girl to be all in my face over some shit, or to be all sternnn like 'grrr' . Mean muggin is so ungirlsome. Guys acting like dicks and girls bitching is totally regular to me, though, even if you are a girl, that doesn't give you an all access pass to bitchidom- just means it makes sense for you to spaz that way. Simple! Simple simple simple now stop thinking about it Chronology is so overrated. The numbers on this list are really just to keep some type of continuity. I bring this up because refer to Rule 6. Fuckin sexist rules, offending daughters and sissies and such ...
2. Feeeeeeel! These rule things will probably work like an upside down pyramid. When you really keep it 100% you will emote. As a person, as a critic, as a writer, as a sexer (don't over extend yourself, player! ) you will do best if you allow yourself to just relax and be soulful for a while. Not perpetually, or you may end up wacky-doodles ding-bat insane and smiling all the time, but have an honest smile every once in a while. If you love some shit, make love to it! If you hate some shit, rip it to shreds, then make a paper mache facsimile of that thing from the shreds, then drop that facsimile into a river somewhere far from where you live. If you are sad about something, cry about it! Or at least look sternly off into the sunset about it...
You're smart! You get the point. I hope to make you emote. Fuck bitch, super sluts being skanky- bunny puppy dogs from your grandmama's place. Words can be deep, man!
3. Be vocal! Respond to the things you feel. If that means never coming back here again, do it! If it means tracking me down and slapping me in the face... then stay the fuck away from me! This is my vocalization. I'm a pretty reserved guy in life, but in my head all these massive ideas zing around. Wanna share them with me?
4. Patience is key... Mainly because I tend to disappear. Sorry :) I do it with friends, school, life... I just kinda fall into a Dovi Place and put up the Do Not Fucking Disturb sign. This may not happen though, as I tend to write a lot during those times... Wanna hold my hand then?
5. Open your mind up. Be a psychic slut. I reference a lot of different stuff. I love rap literature music classical music powerpuff girls godzilla harry potter the simpson don quixote fat ass joints fat asses baggy sweatpants zen dovi good jokes epic stuff massive stuff french toast lemons cinnamon swords clever words big words word games poker chess batman comics in general
AND I TALK ABOUT STUFF I DON'T EVEN LIKE!!! Cuz this isn't just me sitting down like "Man... better write some raps and impressive some folks." It's more... "Man I have all this material floating around, and I'm beginning to feel a lot like the painter dude's dad from Vicki Christina Barcelona (You think I'd at least remember the main guy's name... jeez!)
6. Shit is important. Phrasing is key, and shit is important. Go listen back to some Eminem shit. "You find me offensive? I find you offensive for finding me offensive!" A lot of times the mistakes that look like mistakes aren't actually mistakes. They're mistakes. Y'know? If I write something a certain way, unless i's a lame ass typo, I meant it. If you can get meaning from something, take it because I write for meaning a lot ore than I write for grammar. <-- symantically, as well all these phrases are exactly what I'm trying to get at.
If I talk about some crazy stars off in Venus playing poker (I haven't, but that's a pretty wild idea, if I did say so myself) I prolly fuckin meant it. I hate folks talking about'Yo did you mean to say...' 'Hey was that a typo or something?' 'Listen, I know what you meant, but...'
6b. Yea, You'll find that my response to criticism tends to be conveyed a lot in my writing: F U. In my mind, I'm a genius and I'm seldom wrong. Just go with it, and I promise some good jokes and some smart points will be made. This whole this is one slightly meaningful vanity project (As is life). Thus, being a pretty big faceless ego this whole time, I guess I'll just treat you the way I'd treat someone whom I put this much care into. I think you'll like that.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Uma Thermon as The Bride is amazing, and I think Bill is one of my favourite bads ever. And My Beautiful blahblahblah is among the best albums of all. Okay go live now, Kiddo!
Oh also, compare every single rap song everrrrrrrr to like... the works of Stallone. Hmm. Pretty hurtful, though I did just cop that supernew TV, 3D so me and Jr and see all the pussy and blood (That's not true)
Happy Tuesday!
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